Saturday, December 28, 2013

2014 Grammy Awards Snubbed by Hard-Rock Group

2014 Grammy Awards

In a a movement that the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences (NARAS) has called "sacrilege", the hard-rock group, The Cherry Bottom 5, have snubbed the 2014 Grammy Awards by refusing to accept the nomination, attend the ceremony and perform.

The Cherry Bottom 5 broke out into the mainstream in 2013 with their debut album, Songs for my Sour Tummy. Both their self-titled song and chart-topping single, "Nuns are Fun", put the group on top and unseated the wrecking-ball joyrider Miley Cyrus. 

"The two main reasons we've decided not to accept the nomination, or the inevitable award, is simple," Elenore Breckenridge, the lead singer and rhythm-egg virtuoso, stated.  "We're standing against all pretentious, popularity-themed award shows and won't succumb to the collective hubris."

Ms. Breckenridge continued, "We also are protesting the unethical treatment of college-ruled loose leaf paper.  This is an important cause that we hold near and dear to our hearts!"

Hailing from the Hidden Forest retirement home in Danbury, Connecticut, The Cherry Bottom 5 have been local heroes since the late 2000's and have a very busy touring schedule, which includes many of the fine convalescence homes across the nation.
Key members of the Cherry Bottom 5 practicing

"Our relentless touring gives us the opportunity to spread the gospel of hard rock and quality pulp," the sprite 95-year-old electric washboard player, Eugene Stakowski, said. 

When asked about the taboo and dark subject matter in the song, "The Creeky Door Shuffle", Breckenridge had this insight, "We know our lyrics are controversial and raises eyebrows, but that's 'Rock'n'Roll' baby!"  "If you can't stand the heat, take off that knitted sweater!"


  1. These guys really do keep a low profile. I Google'd 'Cherry Bottom 5,' and found nothing!

  2. I believe they stay under the radar, in fear of a Pussy Riot like retaliation.